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Joke of the Day

"I got a new job working in an underwear factory I'll be pulling down 800 a week"

"Doctor doctor nobody understands me. What do you mean by that?"

"What kind of cars do shellfish drive? Mussel cars."

"If your human doesn't feed you immediately, run in front of their feet and trip them up. ~Cats, apparently."

"The toilet at a police station was stolen! They had nothing to go on.."

"Slept like a log last night. Woke up in the fire place this morning."

"No officer I didn't mean to run him over. Yes I saw him but I thought he was my ex, and clearly he is not my ex."

"Three men walk into a bar, what's missing? The joke! Usually one would introduce this one with: ""I'm gonna tell you a joke"" - but since we are in /r/jokes here, the setup should be ok."

"9: Have you seen my harmonica? [flashback to me smashing it with a hammer] me: Did you look under your bed?"

"What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One's big and heavy, the other's a little lighter."