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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a Russian on a golf course? Vladimir Puttin'"

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"How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch."
"My neighbour hit the post reversing out of the driveway. He hit the poor man delivering it too."
"*learns all Froot Loops are the same flavor regardless of color* *sighs* *sadly deletes 583 page PhD thesis*"
"Whatever you do in life, give 100%... unless you're giving blood."
"For Christmas my mum bought me a t-shirt saying, ""I'm a nudist."" I haven't worn it yet."
"Dammit Springsteen, I was born in the USA too but you don't see me making millions in monthly residuals from a 20 year old song about it."
"You sit quietly under a needle for hours getting a tattoo but if I touch you with my ice cold feet you let out a bloodcurdling scream."
"'It's ok, I'm from the internet', I whisper from under your bed as you call the police."
"Indian Chief: What that bottle of vodka for? Me: I got it for my girlfriend. Indian Chief: Good trade."