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Joke of the Day

"Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown it's all panic and screaming"

"hey Colorado, hows your aspen? (ass been)"

"Son asks his father... Son: Dad, how do you feel about abortion? Dad: Ask your brother. Son: But I don't have a brother. Dad: Exactly."

"If by 'the Hamptons' you mean 'my pajamas', then yes, I absolutely weekend in the Hamptons."

"Dad i know I'm adopted Hi adopted, I'm not dad"

"Did you hear about the dead lawyer who was too big to fit in a coffin? They gave him an enema and buried him in a shoebox."

"On the way into work I dropped my doughnut on the sidewalk. You read about these things, but never think it'll happen to you."

"My X-gf has a really big heart. I have to give her that. She needs it, to pump all the ice water around."

"Inspiring to see someone lift himself up by his own bootstraps. But soon you'll wonder what you're doing at a fucking magic show."

"I never date girls from china... That's a big red flag."