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Joke of the Day

"My X-gf has a really big heart. I have to give her that. She needs it, to pump all the ice water around."

"The toy inside my McDonald's Apathy Meal is just a lump of gray plastic and an instruction sheet that says ""Whatever. This job sucks."""

"My girlfriend left me because she couldn't handle my OCD. I told her to close the door five times on her way out."

"I dread doing laundry as if I didn't have a machine that washes the clothes for me and another that dries them for me, as I do nothing"

"Where did Javon get his earrings? Ja Mall"

"I want to tell a joke about infrastructure spending in the UK but only people in London will get it."

"If a woman asks if she looks fat, it's not enough to say ""no."" You must also act very surprised by the question. Jump backwards if necessary"

"Why does a chicken coop have two doors? If it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan !"

"What mathematical operation is used to calculate the rate at which lumberjacks cut wood? Logger-rhythms."

"Did you hear about the man who got sick at the airport? It was a terminal illness."