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Joke of the Day

"Inspiring to see someone lift himself up by his own bootstraps. But soon you'll wonder what you're doing at a fucking magic show."

"*Pulls your panties to the side* *Tries to remember how I even ended up wearing your panties*"

"Dad walks in on son fapping He says,""Son that'll make you go blind!"" The young man says,""Dad I'm over here, that's a lamp."""

"I forgot, what is the name they call themselves, the group that wants to form a new country in what is now Syria and Irak? They are the Nemesis of the USA."

"Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business? 1. No mind 2. No business."

"Fancy Dress My mate and I decided to go to a fancy dress but he was adamant that we had to go dressed as Tom Chaplin and Jesse Quin. I wasn't very Keane on the idea."

"Woops! Accidentally hit ""reply all"" when I only meant to tell one co-worker to kill himself."

"Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool"

"How many virgins does take to change a lightbulb? Obviously more than 72, or all those suicide bomber would have seen the light."

"I was going to post my best Madeline McCann joke but my parents would kill me"