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Joke of the Day

"[OC] What do you call a Portable Sperm Bank? Your Momma. Happy Mother's Day folks"

"When my wife wants my opinion, she'll give it to me."

"An Xbox One got into a fight with a PS4 The ambulance came. Wii U Wii U Wii U."

"Don't say ""lets get weird"" on our date then get freaked out I'm dressed in Forever 21 and holding your cousin hostage."

"I moved into an advent calendar today... Its very cold, all the windows are open."

"My gf broke up with me.... She said, ""It's okay we can still be cousins.."""

"What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?"

"HISTORICAL FACT: I moved to Miami too, but I didn't make such a big fucking deal about it."

"My doctor told me to start killing people. Not in those exact words but he said I needed to reduce my stress. Same thing."

"I used to really enjoy smoking cigarettes... but now it tastes like they simply turn to ash in my mouth."