106001

Joke of the Day

"HISTORICAL FACT: I moved to Miami too, but I didn't make such a big fucking deal about it."

"After seeing some of the things posted on /r/Jokes lately, I believe it's time someone finally said something. Something."

"With a name like ""Earl"", I'm more afraid this hurricane will get drunk and beat a pregnant woman, than I am that it will cause flooding."

"My boyfriend said we can't hang out this weekend because he doesn't exist."

"Perks of being a child of divorce Being able to operate Direct TV and Dish"

"Any machine is a smoke machine if you just use it wrong enough!"

"I was pretty shocked when my dad came out of the closet. Now I can only wonder if my other dad knows."

"The Republicans told us that if we let the gays marry, soon people'd be marring horses! I'm still waiting. :("

"Usain Bolt doesn't know shit bout speed compared to a parent putting their hand over their kids mouth when they see someone w/ an eye patch."

"No sweetie, mommy's not drinking vodka again. This is potato water."