41097

Joke of the Day

"[trying to make small talk with the lady cutting my hair] so what do you do for a living"

"What do you call a wanderin' nun? A Roamin' Catholic"

"[2016, cincinnati zoo. boy falls into the enclosure] other gorilla: something brought a boy to the yard harambe [making a milkshake]: SHIT"

"I've made many sacrifices to get where I am today. Most of them were children."

"Laziness Level: I get jealous when it's bedtime in other countries"

"For animals with an ""amazing sense of smell"" dogs sure do sniff piles of turds for a long time before realizing ""Whoops, these are turds"""

"Donald Trump wants to build a wall along the Mexican border but he wants them toupee."

"On behalf of black people, I'd like to apologize for Nicki Minaj"

"Why are there so many female archeologists? Because women love digging up the past."

"Why does pushing my finger against a bottle of Pepsi make me sad? Because it's soda pressing."