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Joke of the Day

"[2016, cincinnati zoo. boy falls into the enclosure] other gorilla: something brought a boy to the yard harambe [making a milkshake]: SHIT"

"If one drop of semen contains more life than a drop of blood, why don't vampires s*ck co*k? Oh wait, Twilight."

"My husband ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill. He's told every other person on earth and I didn't want y'all to be out of the loop."

"How do you know which tree is the jew? It doesn't drop apples."

"I was approached on the street the other day by a young escort. Couldn't have been older than 13. I was absolutely appalled... ...by her prices. Way more than I usually pay!"

"A guy walks into a bar.... ....with a pile of shit in his hands and says hey, look what I nearly stepped in..."

"Floody hell! If this continues they'll have to rename it the Eiffel beacon."

"How do you communicate with a fish? Drop him a line."

"My Grandpa said to me the other day, ""Your generation relies too much on technology"" I replied, "" no your generation relies too much on technology"" then I unplugged his life support. Stupid asshole"

"Why did the console player cross the road? To render the buildings on the other side."