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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a wanderin' nun? A Roamin' Catholic"

"Did you hear about the fish that married the duck? They got along swimmingly"

"I married a kleptomaniac... She stole my heart."

"Stupidity: Running over a string 10 times with the vacuum cleaner, picking it up, looking at it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance."

"Playing the long game. some months back I planted lettuce in my garden. yesterday I was making dinner and asked my girlfriend to go pick some lettuce. she said ""why?"" I said ""just Cos"" ba dum tisssssh"

"What's brown and sticky. A stick."

"The leading method of suicide in Albania is attempting to kidnap Liam Neeson's daughter."

"Listen, I'll play that funky music if you ask me in a nice, non-derogatory way."

"TIFU by feeding my mogwai after midnight Whoops, wrong sub. By the way, if you see one, just throw it in the microwave for like 45 seconds."

"The iPad 2 will be released on March 11th. Of course, as a celebrity, I'm already using my complimentary iPad 7. The screen touches ME!"