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Joke of the Day

"For those who can't eat their vegetables bc of the wheelchair: There IS a chocolate shake with every one, all you have to do is pull out the straw. Edit: a word"

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"Why are Americans so bad at chess? Because they don't have 2 towers."
"Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your ""shake"" back to the table. Announce that it's the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake"
"I'm 35 and I was out to eat with my 18 year old girlfriend. Everyone was giving us dirty looks. Eventually I got up and yelled at everyone ""you are all ruining out 10th anniversary."""
"""you okay man?"" listen dude... i know what im doing *lights a cigarette backwards* ive seen Guy Code like six times"
"What's the difference between Barbie and Street Fighter? In Barbie, Ken doesn't beat the hell out of women."
"Procrastination is like masturbation It's fun at the time, but in the end you're just fucking yourself."
"Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He drank the coffee before it was cool."
"A man is in critical condition for swallowing 250,000 dollars in large bills. No change is expected."
"""Dave just showed up"" Dave the fireman or Dave who always uses inappropriate abbreviations? *Dave barges in* HEY GUYS I'M DTF ""Yeah I dunno"""