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Joke of the Day

"1 year ago today, the world ended. RIP everyone."

"Cop: Where were you at the time of the murder? Me: I'd trapped myself in a Tupperware container Cop: Damn, that's an air tight alibi"

"""You won't like me when I'm angry. Because I always back up my rage with facts and documented sources."" The Credible Hulk."

"Last week I had to fire my lawn maintenance workers. They just weren't cutting it."

"met the cutest girl today. her eyes were gentle, like the light from a phone screen and her smile glowed, like the light from a phone screen"

"Son: I can't go to school today. Father: Why not? Son: I don't feel well Teacher: Where don't you feel well? Son: In school!"

"Why would Gabe Newell be a good president? Because then World War 3 would never happen"

"so a comedian is sent out in war he ends up doing puns of damage to the enemy"

"whats the difference between hell and gaza? there's no kids in hell"

"Nice try, St. Patrick's Day, but I don't need a reason to drink."