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Joke of the Day

"Plot idea: 97% of the world's scientists contrive an environmental crisis, but are exposed by a plucky band of billionaires & oil companies."

"When I'm on reddit When I'm drunk on reddit: ""Perhaps an up vote for this fine sir, he provided intriguing content."" When I'm sober on reddit: ""YOU SHALL ALL BE DOWN VOTED! NO ONE SHALL BE UP VOTED!"""

"It is impossible to act naturally right after someone tells you to act naturally."

"Raccoons are like hobos, they live outside plus they don't like being shaved while they're eating."

"Why are gay guys good helpers when moving? They know how to pack your shit."

"Me- ""Sorry I can't"" Friend- ""Why not?"" M- ""Working on my book"" F- ""Neato! What about?"" M- ""It's a collection of ways to escape obligations"""

"A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, ""uno, dos..."" *Poof* ... He disappears without a tres."

"I've been reading this great book on anti-gravity. I can't put it down."

"Waxing Q: Why did the woman refuse to pay for her Brazilian waxing? A: Because it was a total rip-off."

"Daddy, there's a man at the door with a beard! Tell him I already have one."