40220

Joke of the Day

"Plot idea: 97% of the world's scientists contrive an environmental crisis, but are exposed by a plucky band of billionaires & oil companies."

"I woke up went for a walk my head fell off and rolled away. I picked it up and put it on. A child walked up to me and said: ""Good grief where are your feet?"" I must have left them in bed !"

"Boss:""I'll need those projections done Aesop!"" Me:""You mean ASAP?"" Boss:""No, I mean a parable that uses animals to convey a moral lesson."""

"Tower: What's your heigth and position? Pilot: Well I'm 6 foot tall and I'm sitting front left."

"Why couldn't the beaver cook his twigs? He only had Non-Stick pans."

"A toothless termite walks into a bar and asks... ""Is the bar tender here?"""

"Stars! They're just like us! Gaseous and dying"

"Rick Astley is such a nice guy He'll let you borrow any of his Disney Pixar DVD collection! Except Up! He's Never Gonna Give You Up"

"Irony. The opposite of wrinkly."

"How do you fit an elephant into a Safeway bag? Take the ""f"" out of the word ""way"". (get it yet...?)"