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Joke of the Day
"I've been reading this great book on anti-gravity. I can't put it down."
Next Joke
"The police almost arrested a man for wanking to a caution sign. But he got off with a warning."
"Wife: ""I'm tired of you endlessly misquoting Arnold Schwarzenegger films. I'm leaving you."" Me: ""You'll be back."""
"I told my daughter we might be getting a blizzard and she asked for one with Reese's pieces"
"Ok parents who have really clean houses, do you have outdoor pets and outdoor kids? How does this work?"
"Beating up band nerds with witty comebacks *Impales Flutist* ""Must be flute poisoning"" *Bludgeons French Horn Player* ""Am I making you horny?"" *Throws Tuba player off cliff* ""Tu...bad"""
"""Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Maryland State Lottery? The winner gets $3 a year for a million years."""
"How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? It depends on how thinly you slice them."
"Dear ugly people, You're welcome. Sincerely, Alcohol"
"A walk in the woods helps me relax and release tension. The fact that I'm dragging a body behind me should be irrelevant"