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Joke of the Day

"""Shh...it took an hour, but I think he's finally asleep."" *fireworks go off outside* *opens window* I WILL KILL YOU AND EVERYONE YOU LOVE"

"I'm confused... square box, round pizza but triangle slices."

"My girlfriend was devastated to find out that my mates call me The Love Machine' because I'm terrible at tennis."

"*wife spends all morning convincing son not to be afraid of the dentist* ""Dad are you coming too?"" Hell no dentists scare the shit out of me"

"""Smoking breaks"" at work should be deducted from annually leave. We all have addictions, you don't see me leave a meeting to fry plantain"

"What does batman add to his tea? Just ice."

"Sorry I yelled ""April Fool's"" while you were proposing to your girlfriend."

"Why did no one like the Archer Because he was too arrowgant!"

"The dentist just said I need a crown, so I jumped up and yelled, ""I'm king of the dentists!"" The nitrous made it funny."

"The popularity of origami has increased ten fold."