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Joke of the Day

"I bought a pair of Meatloaf underwear today. On the front they say, ""I would do anything for love."" On the back, ""But I won't do that."""

"DAE keeps struggling with fitting their shopping cart into a row of parked shopping carts? Apparently you first have to remove your daughter."

"Everybody was Feng Shui fighting, those cats improved my ambient lighting."

"A weeping willow tree is just like a regular willow tree only married"

"""Dad, why are there no jews on jupiter?"" ""Because its a gas planet son"""

"*watching my hamster gnaw on his tiny broadsword* you are a disgrace to your lineage and bring great shame upon this house"

"I doubt vodka is the answer, but it's worth a shot."

"""Write this down."" [Moses grabs tablet] ""Thou shalt not steal [raises eyebrow] where did you get that tablet from?"""

"I saw santa fucking my mom. To get back at him i decided to poison his cookies. Somehow the bastard found out and killed my dad."

"Woohoo! Donald Trump won the presidential election! As a Clinton voter I'm not happy that he won, just happy that I'm not Mexican"