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Joke of the Day

"""Guess my nationality"" the old man said Deducing from the man's accent that he was Briish, the other man said so. ""You're correct, but where's the t?"" asked the man. ""In the harbor"""

"I asked Sean Connery what game he was going to play with Roger Federer tomorrow and what time he was going to go He replied: ""Tennish"""

"The good news about falling down the stairs is that my Fitbit counted it as a mile walk."

"I wish I could re-enact the fantasy scenes from 50 shades of grey. Like the one where she gets a job right after college"

"You see those cows over there? They are outstanding in their field."

"Why doesn't Justin Bieber shop at Sports Authority? Cuz he likes Dicks."

"My wife of 57 years said let's go upstairs and make love. I told her choose one, I can't do both."

"Shampoo for my real friends, real poo for my sham friends."

"A chess grandmaster is asked ""Which do you prefer, sex or chess?"" The grandmaster replies, ""It depends on the position."""

"When life hands you melons... You might be dyslexic."