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Joke of the Day
"You see those cows over there? They are outstanding in their field."
Next Joke
"What's Tommen Baratheon's favorite band? Fall out boy"
"How do you get beer from root beer? You pour it in a square glass."
"ME: my greatest strength is giving people clever nicknames. QUESTION ASKER MAN: and how is this a skill that will help you here?"
"[meeting zac efron at a book signing six years after my wife said she thought he was handsome] well hello there mister home wrecker"
"I thought being patronized would be cool until they explained it did not involve tequila."
"Two handicapped men walk into a bar... PRAISE THE LORD!!"
"What's the difference between a terrorist and a Jewish mother? You can make an agreement with a terrorist!"
"I want to remind everyone today that 9/11 jokes aren't funny... ...only 2/11 are."
"The most Canadian thing I ever heard was a secondhand story about a guy getting his toe bit off by a beaver but not telling his date."