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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a baby Cosmonaut? Yuri Googoogagarin. ^I'll ^see ^myself ^out..."

"I attempted my first press-up today. Sadly I only smelled defeat."

"Don't play the game where you listen to Mellencamp's ""Small Town"" and drink every time he says ""small town"". I just woke up in a dumpster."

"There was a dyslexic devil worshipor. He sold his soul to santa"

"I have a light that gets sexually aroused by me. I turn him on."

"The US can't rely on Hillary Clinton to create jobs The last meaningful job Hillary had was outsourced to Monica Lewinsky... ...and Monica blew it!"

"When I become a ghost, Im going to leave messages in blood, but theyre gonna be overwhelmingly positive, like ""You're Doing A Great Job"""

"Why do German shower faucets have 11 holes? Jews only have 10 fingers."

"Hey I really like you. I wanted to know if you'd like to gradually grow to despise each other over the next 4-5 years."

"There's no ""I"" in meat, but there's ""me"" and ""eat"", and I don't know how vegans can argue with that logic."