39765

Joke of the Day

"Sure hope I haven't wasted my life being loyal to the wrong brand of toothpaste."

"""Girl, are you a tree? cause-"" ""no i'm not a tree"" ""..cause i want-"" ""why are you still talking i'm not a tree"" "".. i want t-"" ""not a tree"""

"So a ion walks into a bar... So an ion walks into a bar and tells the bartender, ""hey I may have lost an electron."" Bartender asks in reply, ""are you sure?"" Ion answers, ""yeah, I'm positive."""

"What's the difference between the Red Hot Chili Peppers and Harriet Tubman?! Harriet Tubman was a heroine to the slaves, but the Red Hot Chili Peppers were slaves to heroin."

"My wife said if she heard me chewing one more time, she was going to murder me. So I stole the batteries from her hearing aids."

"I deleted all the German contacts out of my phone... now its Hans free"

"Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a spider What a web of lies!"

"Bikes are held up by witchcraft if u can ride a bike you are a level 1 wizard & if u can ride a unicycle you are a level 2 dork haha owned"

"I was trying to make my own joke on Mexicans... But everything I came up with was borderline childish."

"For your information, we'll be remembered as the generation who thought a fat Korean pretending to ride a horse was entertaining to look at."