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Joke of the Day

"Spank me once, shame on you. Spank me twice, now we're getting somewhere."

"What do you call presents after you've opened them? Pasts"

"""I got you this for Valentine's Day."" [she opens the box and reveals several People magazines inside] ""I think we should see other people."""

"A Terrorist posts a Joke on Reddit... ...joke Blows Up faster than expected."

"What sport do you play with a wombat? Wom"

"My favorite Bible story is the one where thousands more people show up to Jesus' party than RSVP'd but he still had enough cake for everyone"

"Q: Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license? A: ""Oh it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!"""

"I find it ironic that the colors red, white and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you"

"Have you heard the story when the idiot said no?"

"What does a doctor say to the new father of a stillborn child? Close, but no cigar."