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Joke of the Day

"What can you never get from a gay person? a straight answer. Accepting alternate answers in the comments"

"Why did Jesus stop playing hockey? Because he kept getting nailed to the boards."

"I see your sister's sick burn and raise you mine. ""If you're gonna be a dick, wear a condom over your head."" She's 9."

"If you want someone to like you never text first. If they text you then don't text back. Never, ever talk. It's the only way to make it work"

"What side of a leopard has the most spots? The outside"

"No one is more confident than a drunk girl wearing a guy's hat sideways."

"Had a fight with a money wasp once I got a *paysting*"

"What's the difference between Swine flu and Avian flu? It's what the doctor does to heal you. For one you need 'oinkment', and for the other you need 'tweatment'. **rimshot**"

"My middle finger gets a boner when i think of you"

"I was walking down the road today and saw my Afghani neighbor, Abdul, standing on his fifth floor apartment balcony shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, ""What's up Abdul, won't it start?"""