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Joke of the Day

"1st date: I love the spiderman movies Me: So do I [thinking of something to say to impress her] Me: I used to be a spider"

"Whenever a long lost friend calls me, I get suspicious & wonder if he's calling me to sell Amway products.."

"I just found a piece of pizza in my trash can. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!!"

"Taming Wild Cats by Claude Face"

"WIFE: omg Will Smith's son, Jaden, is dead ME: where'd you see that? W: Facebook M: I'm pretty sure that's a hoax W: no Facebook is real"

"Everyone's switching from the iPhone 5 to the iPhone 6 for an extra inch ...I sure hope my girlfriend doesn't do the same."

"Perfect on the spot SFW joke What did the Zen Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor? Make me one with everything."

"I need to start paying closer attention to stuff. Found out today my wife and I have separate names for the cat."

"Hey have you ever tried puppy love? Yeah but it doesn't work there assholes are too small."

"My collection of Swiss watches was stolen in Spain. Adios Omegas."