39709

Joke of the Day

"If guys were smart, they'd forget the nightclubs and watch the supermarket for girls who buy frozen dinners and cat food."

"How's this for a magic trick: I sign into Twitter and my desire to do anything productive just disappears."

"An Elvis impersonator had to cancel a show because he got some terrible family news. He was all shook up"

"This one time in High School I ate an entire roll of quarters Shit was so cash"

"[batteries in my TV remote die for the first time since I bought it 4 years ago] ""Useless piece of shit."""

"*hires skywriter* YOU CAN'T BLOCK ME"

"I asked my Sushi Chef what his favorite roll was. . he said payroll."

"the only thing getting in the way of my diet is food"

"Love is like a cup of hot coffee on a rainy day... It gets cold really fast."

"How do you stop Carlos Santana from molesting your children? You put a guitar in his hands."