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Joke of the Day

"The nice thing about getting a pet lobster is that you can always threaten to eat it when your kid stops taking care of it."

"""It's now or nev"" ME: Never. I choose never."

"I gave every penny I had to the homeless guy the other day! Now I just have 20 $100 bills in my purse!"

"Winds of 108mph, structural damage, flying debris, massive depression, icy blasts, communication difficulties, untold misery and suffering... Yes, I forgot our anniversary again."

"""These orthodontic shoes are really great!"" - don't you mean *orthopedic*? ""I stand corrected."""

"Why doesn't Jesus play volleyball? All those spikes hurt his hands"

"What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender"

"What's the difference between a toddler and a bag of cocaine? Eric Clapton would *never* let a bag of cocaine fall out the window."

"Why cant people with no feet drink milk? Because they are lack toes intolorent."

"What do accountants use for birth control? Their personalities."