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Joke of the Day

"Why cant people with no feet drink milk? Because they are lack toes intolorent."

"What do you say when you step on a snake? Well that bites."

"the most semi-awesome vegetable is the rad-ish"

"Why did the sick bird get deported? He was an ill eagle."

"there should be a jail just for people that don't break apart kit kats before they eat them"

"{At funeral} *holding widows hand* I'm sorry for your loss. He had so much updog ""What's updog?"" *pats her hand* Not much what's up with you"

"Doctor wrote me a prescription for daily sex But the wife insists it says its for Dyslexia"

"I caught my wife in bed with a banana last night... She was masticating."

"What did one lesbian vampire say to the other? See you next month."

"Teenage son gets academic honors every year in school, yet he can't cut a straight line with a lawnmower. I believe I am being played......"