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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a toddler and a bag of cocaine? Eric Clapton would *never* let a bag of cocaine fall out the window."

"[paddling silently along the amazon in 2-man kayak taking in it's beauty] *from behind me* you know they named this after a website"

"*calls lost & found* Me: Have you seen my patience? L&F: Hold on a second. Me: *click*"

"What do you call a southern girl who runs faster than her brothers A virgin"

"Him: What are you doing? Me: Tweeting. Him: Gah. Such a colossal waste of time. Me: *stare* Him: *goes back to playing Candy Crush*"

"Last night, my girlfriend made me really happy and really sad at the same time. She told me, ""You have the biggest dick out of all of your friends."""

"Did you hear about the girl who went fishing with five guys ? All she came back with was a red snapper."

"What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? ..............you pull the pin and throw it back!"

"What do you call glasses that make you look wise? Respectacles"

"what did the atheist say to the agnostic Pussy"