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Joke of the Day

"Why does everyone have to point out they adopted their dog? Are they worried that we are suspicious because it doesn't look like them?"

"hi rappers i have been shaking dat ass all night and i am exhausted can you make a song about sitting and watching tv at a reasonable volume"

"Sarah McLachlan should do a commercial but instead of homeless pets in cages, people in cubicles."

"What did the fish say when it rammed into a wall? Dam!"

"A cannibal eats his date he said it tasted sweet."

"What's the similarity between Bruce Jenner and a Pharaoh? At some point they turned into Mummys"

"It's easier to compliment a woman when you're traveling with a toddler. ""Son, say hi to the beautiful lady with the piercing green eyes."""

"The act of questioning can be intimidating. Isn't it?"

"It's that time of year when it gets *just* cold enough to draw dicks on people's car windows."

"I asked out a statistician on a date. She failed to reject me."