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Joke of the Day

"I tried eharmony. They kept matching me up with women who look like me in a wig. I'd be too intimidated to date someone that attractive."

"Silly Rabbit, Trix are for a culture of entitled white American children who are systematically fed a diet of high fructose corn syrup."

"Let's get a beer Three old guys are out walking. First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?' Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!' Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..'"

"When I die I want my body donated to science, but more specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead guys back to life."

"Food choices How come almost everything that tastes good is bad and almost everything that tastes bad is good?"

"Think about it! You're already thinking about it, you might as well do it."

"I had a dog named Herpes once. He was a good dog, but he wouldn't heel."

"What do you call someone who knows all? Nostril-damus. &nbsp; Works better if you read the joke out loud."

"Her: I'm pregnant Me: WHAT? H: Just kidding M: You scared me half to death H: My mom is coming to stay with us M: *the other half dies*"

"A tank and a snake are having a heated argument when the snake says ""Shut up! You got penis on your face!"" to which the tank replies ""You got face on your penis!"""