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Joke of the Day

"Her: I'm pregnant Me: WHAT? H: Just kidding M: You scared me half to death H: My mom is coming to stay with us M: *the other half dies*"

"What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer, the other is a watermelon."

"What is the worst part of being black and jewish? You have to sit in the back of the oven."

"Now I find out my ground hands are actually called feet wtf is going on today"

"I went to a sandwich shop and ordered a pastrami sandwich, but I received a meatball marinara. Whoops, wrong sub"

"Which character in Game of Thrones do I envy the most? Some bloke named Winter. Managed to go 4 years without cumming."

"It was a shame King Henry VIII had a lisp, it made it quite difficult for him to order his wives coffee. ""I'll have them decapitated"""

"Give me that! You're going to hurt yourself! *takes toy *hurts self with toy 4: Hahahaha"

"A fireman's pole is a stripper's pole that takes you places."

"I don't think we should call them ""bills."" Because Bill is a man's name and bills are fee mail."