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Joke of the Day

"How do you know if you've fallen in love with an apple from France? Your heart goes ""pomme pomme ... pomme pomme ..."""

"*Indian Accent* I would make a your mom joke... but cows are sacred in my country."

"I should post a History joke But you have probably already heard it before."

"Well, that's definitely the last time I ever go shopping with my wife... We were on our way home from Tesco this morning and she dropped down dead."

"[tv interview] I'm with Amy. Her house was damaged by the floods, how are you? [cut to Amy crying] MORE LIQUID IS THE LAST THING WE NEED AMY"

"Did you hear about the Pharaoh who refused to believe that his boat was sinking? He was in denial"

"I once bought a hamster And told it to shank my sister. When it didn't, I shanked her myself, with my dick."

"I am fluent in three languages...english, sarcasm, and profanity"

"My philosophy to everything I do are governed by the three E's Excellence, Efficiency, and Intelligence"

"Five emos in a room A study has shown that if you put five emos in a room, one of them will eventually kill himself because he wont have a corner to cry in."