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Joke of the Day

"My philosophy to everything I do are governed by the three E's Excellence, Efficiency, and Intelligence"

"I've been thinking about you...Owl night long."

"Falling off Bed A lunatic falls off his bed. He quickly gets up. 10 minutes later, he falls again. He thinks to himself ""Good thing I got up 10 minutes ago, or I might have fallen on myself"""

"Stop saying: ""That's what she said"" and say ""... said the priest to his lawyer"" instead"

"So I asked my Dad, ""What was on Grandpa's mind when he had that aneurysm?"" ""Probably a tumor."""

"Guy in Car: get out of my way idiot Guy in Crosswalk: pedestrians have the right of way Car Guy: this ain't Pedestria buddy this is America"

"I'm a polymorphic alien... ...and I have taken shape of this text, and at this very moment I am having sex with your eyeballs and by the smile on your face I can tell that you are enjoying it :)"

"Hillary will give her concession speech... Since somebody paid her $250,000 speaking fee."

"I sleep like a baby... With your mom's tit in my mouth."

"What do a Redneck divorcee and a Tornado have in common? -- either way, you're gonna lose your trailer..."