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Joke of the Day

"""Ladies, calm down. Girlfriend, wife, whatever. The important thing is that between the 2 of you, you brought enough to post my bail"""

"Why does Peter Pan always fly? Because he Neverlands! You're welcome."

"Which American president was not guilty? Lincoln, he was in a cent"

"What does a priest get when he wants some pussy? Nun."

"Last month I decided to invest in a gym membership. Since then I have lost... ...about $39.99 in cash."

"Dirty joke What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick."

"Dad: Why are you eyes so red, son? Son: I smoked weed, dad Dad: Don't lie to me, you were crying because you are a faggot"

"I used to speak in Fleetwood Mac quotes, but I stopped... ...and I'm never going back again."

"[roulette] ME: [slaps table] 50 on red CROUPIER: Sir that is 50 pictures of Celine Dion ME: Yes and if I win [grabs him] you owe me 50 more"

"*THUD* ""What was that?"" ""My pants fell down."" ""...Why so loud?"" ""I'm wearing them."""