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Joke of the Day

"Dad: Why are you eyes so red, son? Son: I smoked weed, dad Dad: Don't lie to me, you were crying because you are a faggot"

"I'm never gonna tell the person I'm meeting up with that you said hi."

"Statistically speaking... 6/7 dwarfs aren't happy."

"Sorry I was late. I got stuck in internet traffic."

"I used to be a halogen but then I took a proton to the Ne"

"The lengths I'm willing to go to avoid somebody I know in a supermarket could count as cardio."

"When I'm high, I'll call some customer service number and choose the Spanish option just for the challenge."

"Wife: Where are you going? Me: I'm wearing my robe and boxer briefs so obviously I'm off to fight crime"

"One day, scientists will build a very intelligent supercomputer. ""Is there a god?"", they ask. *** ""There is one now."""

"What does a Scotsman wear under his kilt? If it's a good day lipstick"