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Joke of the Day

"Waitress dad jokes When waitress comes to the table ask if she takes orders ,""to go""? If she says yes respond with, ""Great! Get your purse we're leaving."""

"*Ghost snatches phone from me* ""Who you gonna call now?"""

"PSA: Always tip your prostitutes. Small tips are fine. That's what they get paid for."

"if my mother-in-law was an actress, she'd be the star of The Cunt for Red October."

"No Grandma, ""sausage fest"" is not a new special breakfast at IHOP"

"I just dropped my BlackBerry! This must be similar to how mother's feel when they drop their infants."

"Asked to switch seats. I wanted to switch seats on the plane last week because of a crying baby. The stewardess said no... just because it was my baby"

"I'll usually order the chicken sandwich. I like my food to be more cowardly than I am."

"What do you call a British circle jerk? A Union Jack."

"A prickle of porcupines A murder of crows A flamboyance of flamingos A twitter of depressed, alcoholic perverts A shrewdness of apes A parla"