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Joke of the Day
"Got in a car wreck while reading a church sign today... ...the Son was in my eyes."
Next Joke
"How many men does it take to close the toilet seat? No one knows yet!"
"It's Friday night, you know what that means! I'm going to get loaded and tweet a bunch of stupid shit and then delete it all tomorrow. Yay!"
"hey Colorado, hows your aspen? (ass been)"
"Random girl: OMG I love your UGG boots Me: No No... that's just the way my feet look"
"*scientist finishes bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal and begins drinking the milk* ""Wait just one damn minute"" - How horchata was born"
"The New Yorker swims into a bar..."
"My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs... I've been his customer for 6 years. I had no idea he was a barber."
"What kind of bees produce milk? Boobies!"
"Hey Russell Wilson! You wanna win another Super Bowl?! Nah, I'll pass."