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Joke of the Day

"There are two types of people in this world: Those that CAN gather information from incomplete data"

"I regret every fart I ever held in for you."

"*Tears off break away pants as I approach the breakfast buffet*"

"Think of a thing. Theres an e cig flavor for that."

"What do you give a deer with an upset stomach? Elkaseltzer."

"To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present, they are due back at the library today."

"I like going up to people with motorcycle helmets and asking them for Daft Punk's autograph."

"*offers dog a treat* Dog: I have a boyfriend"

"Why was Jesus so ripped? because he did crossfit..."

"Just once I want to see a marathon winner cross the finish line and immediately fire up a cigarette."