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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I tell myself that everything that I've been through in life is totally worth it. Then I laugh hysterically."

"How much liquor does it take before you start telling racist jokes? For me, it's about three fifths."

"Gotta hand it to midgets sometimes. You know, cause they can't reach and all."

"I'm glad the pet stores close before the bar does. I could see drunken pet adoption being a real problem for me."

"What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable? Getting her off the wheelchair."

"How do you capture a polar bear? 1. Dig a hole in the ice. 2. Place a bunch of peas around the hole 3. When the bear comes up to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole."

"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. You don't need a lightbulb when you have a glass ceiling."

"My poor knowledge of Greek mythology Has been my Achilles elbow"

"Q. ""Why do the KGB operate in groups of three?"" A. ""One can read, one can write and one to keep an eye on the two intellectuals."""

"Did you hear about that deaf guy that tried climbing Mount Everest? Neither did he. Worst part was, no one ever heard from him again."