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Joke of the Day

"I'm glad the pet stores close before the bar does. I could see drunken pet adoption being a real problem for me."

Next Joke
 
"r/jokes, I'm in the dentists chair with 2 cavities. Please, cheer me up."
"Upon request of a signature, a nurse reaches into her pocket only to find a thermometer... she exclaims, ""Some asshole's got my pen!"""
"How many Redditors does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn't matter, they'll just compliment it a lot and then complain because it won't screw."
"I feel like I'm not giving my followers enough in my tweets. Would you be interested in stock tips or free shampoo samples?"
"she says she want a bad boy so i unplug the usb w/o ejecting it"
"My friend explained to me how the work of electricity was measured... I just sat there like watt..."
"(Work in progress) I want to have sex with a news reporter. I want to have sex with a news reporter. As soon as enter her, I want to scream ""This Just In!"""
"Say what you will about censorship on Reddit [removed]"
"Why didn't Michael J Fox order food at McDonalds? He got the shakes instead."