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Joke of the Day

"HER: You promised me you were over your Bruce Willis obsession. ME: Sorry. Old habits die hard with a vengeance."

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"What's white on the outside and black on the inside? An American police officer."
"What do you call a square peg that wonders if it could plug a round hole? Pi-curious."
"[OC] A man goes on the hunt.... for the seven men involved in his father's murder. The man kills them all. I guess you could say his father was... ""Avenged, Sevenfold."""
"I don't usually post on this sub, so here goes nothing..."
"Lifehack: dress your young children in the colors of the food you are serving them to avoid outfit changes."
"A skeleton walks into a bar. He orders a drink, and then asks for a mop."
"""Children can be very cruel,"" I reassure my 6 year-old. ""But sometimes it seems like you aren't even trying."""
"Wife's been out of town 96 hrs now & everything's gone to hell. We're all wearing patio furniture tarps & worshiping a boar head on a stick."
"Why did Julius Caesar want to quit politics? All that backstabbing was too much for him."
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