38504

Joke of the Day

"Damn girl, are you from Syria? Because you're revolting."

"""I'm thinking of running a marathon again."" I told my friend. ""You've run a marathon before?"" she asked, with an air of admiration. I said, ""No, but I've thought about it."""

"I wish lucid dreaming was more controllable Not the duration of lucid dreaming but the destinations I visit. I'm tired of going to McDonalds at 2am"

"Had to fire my personal Trainer. He dint do squat."

"I hate the term ""Hipster"" It's too mainstream"

"Why is a Mexican midget called 'a paragraph'? Because he's not a full ese."

"I met my soulmate. She didn't."

"My wife and I play trivia pursuit a lot, it's where she ignores me until I correctly guess what I did wrong."

"If I won $900,000,000, I'd give a quarter of it to charity... ...not sure what I'd do with the other $899,999,999.75 though."