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Joke of the Day

"Brain: stop eating! Me: why B: you'll get fat M: so? B: there's only enough vodka to catch a buzz on an empty stomach! M: oh *stops eating*"

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"QUESTION: What's the best way to get a youthful figure? ANSWER: Ask a woman her age."
"What Chinese name means 'wolf'? Hau Ling."
"What do you use to wipe off a table after breakfast? A ragamuffin. Knew it was a dadjoke as soon as I saw my 9 year old roll his eyes."
"A baker was killed by a falling metal pan... you could say his death was filled with irony. Ba-Dum-Tsss"
"I hate people who leave jokes hanging. Its like a"
"Q: What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician? A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts."
"*embraces diversity* Diversity: ""I have a boyfriend"""
"*Judge raises hammer* ""I SENTENCE YOU TO LIFE"" -*defendant chuckles* ""I'm already alive you MORON!"""
"Confucius Say: Man that stand on toilet is high on pot"