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Joke of the Day

"What do you use to wipe off a table after breakfast? A ragamuffin. Knew it was a dadjoke as soon as I saw my 9 year old roll his eyes."

"They're only 1 letter apart, but the difference between grapejuice & rapejuice is significant."

"What did the circus owner say to the human-cannonball when the he wanted to retire? How will I ever find another performer of your caliber? (Source: a dad on thanksgiving)"

"I saw a billboard on the way to work this morning that read ""Future Events."" Well, that's a sign of things to come."

"What do you call a mother who is overweight and poor? Beef on WIC"

"Why did all the girls fall in love with the leafy green-blood-sucking-parasite that was full of vitamins? Because he was romaine-tick."

"My doctor prescribed me Adderall to help my concentration and frustration. The only problem is that... now I'm super concentrated on my frustrations."

"Just saw a French footballer playing Nintendo Think it was Thierry on Wii"

"""I see..."" said the blind man as he pissed into the wind. ""It's all coming back to me now."""

"Today sucks but I really shouldn't complain. I've got it good compared to...well, dead people."