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Joke of the Day
"What do you call the act of press-ganging someone into a monastery? Force of habit."
Next Joke
"Did you hear? Oxygen and Magnesium are dating. When I found out I was like OMg!"
"When my kids get too loud in our minivan I simply race over the nearest speedbump to make them bite their tongues."
"I love when girls say they need a man that can keep up with them... but immediately go into hysterics when I catch them."
"A CW told me for the 50th time that her baby learned how to walk so I told her""if you really wanna impress me lmk when it learns how to fly"""
"I'm not worried about chemtrails anymore. My flu shot must be kicking in."
"There's no easy way to say this... FJdnfiouadp, djfpiocu aneouidf, acnslikfiucukuokjpqukd. Diuoiufpqknddiolololdiodoodlioaidoiucnbnzquznd. Qudfiout'z'ndfjoikcugh."
"Banned an 80 year old man for life from attending NBA games. What's that? Like maybe 10 years?"
"Used to be I got stoned a lot, people called me a stoner. But now I'm older and my kid brother wants to get baked all the time. So what do I call him?"
"Do you like him like him, or just Facebook like him?"