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Joke of the Day

"I'm getting really good at this parenting thing. I just secretly ate 3 oreos while my kids were in the same room."

"How many black people does it take to change a light bulb? Seriously, I gotta figure out how many slaves I need to buy"

"Why do prostitutes hate hot dogs? Because the vender always forgets to put on CONDOMents. Goddamn, hat joke was bad"

"My gf thinks I cook our meals cause I love her. Really, it's cause I'm afraid she might try to poison me."

"Success is like Pregnancy Everyone congratulates you, but no one knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it."

"You know what kills me? Weapons."

"Q: How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say ""I could've done that."""

"The Oscars so white I gotta wear shades."

"Nothing like listening to old school rap on the way to the office to make you want to smack a bitch."

"What kind of money do monsters use? Weirdo (weird dough)."