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Joke of the Day

"So I've been studying up on clams lately I want to take up boxing, and I heard part of training is mussel memory."

"There's a fine line between being tan and looking like you were rolled in Doritos."

"Every day can be Friday if you're really irresponsible."

"I asked my secret crush if she wanted to invest in my new invention idea, chloroform kleenex. She decided to sleep on it...at my place."

"I started seeing a therapist about my fear of bridges. Turns out I have severe truss issues."

"What does the government and pedophiles have in common? They defile private things."

"[5:30AM] BRAIN: I'll just go to the bathroom, but keep my eyes closed so I don't wake up. BODY: I'll just clip my head on the door frame."

"I'm worried about Rosemary's Baby. Everyone knows Thyme has been hard on her. (That's right. I do spice jokes. Dill with it.)"

"Redditors won't get this... Original content"

"I watched a documentary about the victims of anorexia. Maybe I would have taken them more seriously if the camera didn't add 10 pounds."