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Joke of the Day

"if you're stuck in a group text, an easy way out is to throw your phone in the street and start a new life"

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"What happens when devil worshipers do the rain dance? PrecipiSatan"
"I have a stepladder because.... My real ladder left me when I was young."
"The worst part of having to kiss someone is when the coffin lid falls and hits you in the head."
"[judge at restaurant] ""I will try... the lobster"" [2 hours later] ""I find the lobster guilty of money laundering and embezzlement"""
"""Is this a card?"" -the vague street magician"
"Q: What do you get when you cross a sheltie and a cantaloupe? A: A melon collie."
"When i apply to the job... Interviewer: So why do you want this job? Me: Well, I've always been really passionate about not starving to death."
"what did one snowman say to the other? do you smell carrots?"
"Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven is a registered sex offender."
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