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Joke of the Day

"If a spider attacks you, you should play dead. No, wait... that's for a bear. If a spider attacks a bear, you should play dead."

"How do you keep a Turkey in suspense? I'll tell you later."

"The whole ""bad boy"" thing is fun until you have kids with him. Ooh you drank away the diaper money? That's soooo hot"

"How do you tie two half ducks together? with ducktape!! "

"What do you call it when a blond dyes her hair? Artificial Intelligence."

"Old Wang says to his friend Old Chen It is so sweet, you have been married 50 years and you still call your wife 'sweetheart'. What is your secret? Chen says, ""it is because I have forgotten her name"""

"I like to squat down, wrap my arms around my knees, and lean forward. That's how I roll..."

"I wonder how many crimes The Muppets have kermitted."

"Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? At the bottom."

"I don't get ""drunk"" during the holidays I get ""festive""."