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Joke of the Day

"[following girl off elevator] you cant hate snakes and then say u love dragons, because theyre actually extremely similar. in a lot of mytho"

"What is Fido the dog's favorite part of a tree? Bark! What is his favorite canine? Wolf! How does he like his sex? Ruff!"

"*gives ex wife's next door neighbour a drum kit for Christmas*"

"My credit has gotten so bad... ...that Mastercard started sending me bills in Spanish."

"Knock Knock? Who's there? Broken pencil Broken pencil who? Forget it, its pointless"

"How do ghosts become friends? They bond over boos. I made this up while sleep-deprived last night. I am sorry."

"What's your best haiku?"

"Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic! *ba dim tiss*"

"Sad news from Miami today: Famous rapper, Pitbull, was unfortunately found alive in his home today according to a relative."

"How to test your dog's IQ A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ. Here's how it works: If you spend $19.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you."