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Joke of the Day

"It costs over 200,000 dollars to raise a child these days. And that's just for alcohol."

"Do we even know how much anything else costs in Africa? Maybe $1 a day to feed a child is way too much."

"Mom: Time to wake updog. Son: *groggily* What's updog? Mom: Just waking you up for school, dog, what's up wit u? Dad (from hallway): OWNED"

"I was standing outside their school waiting for the kids to finish, when a parent came up and asked ""So which one is yours?"" I replied ""Not sure, haven't decided yet""."

"I don't understand why women get so angry and stressed on their period. It's such an ovary action"

"FRIDAY is my second favorite F word."

"I took my metal detector to the beach today expecting to find antiques of great value. Beach better have my money"

"What's the difference between you and a bag of shit? You're not in a bag."

"What did the car-painter say to the carpenter? ""You sound just like me!"""

"I've recently admitted to being a masochist. The realization has been painful, but I like it."